


we need to get my story straight

by WordsareBetterthanNumbers



Series: find my way home [1]
Category: Thor (Movies)
Genre: 5+1 Things, Abusive Parents, Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Angst, BAMF Hela (Marvel), Fix-It, Fix-It of Sorts, Fluff, Gen, Hela just loves her brothers, Kid Loki and Kid Thor (Marvel), Memory Alteration, Odin (Marvel)'s A+ Parenting, Odin is going to pay for what he did, Protective Siblings, Psychological Torture, Sibling Love
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-08-04
Updated: 2018-08-04
Packaged: 2019-06-21 00:36:09
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 2
Words: 11,731
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15545718
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/WordsareBetterthanNumbers/pseuds/WordsareBetterthanNumbers
Summary: "Every villain has their origin story," Frigga said as she combed Hela's long hair, "but only good villains get a redemption arc.""What about the accidental villains?" Hela asked."Are there  such things as accidental villains?"Hela chuckled, "Of course there are, Stepmother."Frigga didn't try to understand what an accidental villain was, but she assured her stepdaughter that yes, even accidental villains could get a redemption arc.---Otherwise known as the five times Hela was her brothers' hero and one time she was their villain.





	1. the five times Hela was her brothers' hero

**Author's Note:**

> Hey! 
> 
> I hope you like this small one shot that I wrote instead of writing my Main Fanfic (oops). Anyway, I wanted some angst and some Children of Odin bonding because there is nothing that I love more than these three. 
> 
> The fanfic title was inspired by the song [We Are Young](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Sv6dMFF_yts) by fun. 
> 
> I had no Beta, all mistakes are mine. 
> 
> If you are interested in reading my Main Fanfic, [here](https://archiveofourown.org/works/14839493) is the link. It would mean the world to me if you did read the work! 
> 
> BTW, Feedback and Kudos are always appreciated.
> 
> my tumblr is [here](https://www.tumblr.com/blog/helasloki). Come by and say hello!

_1\. Ages 3, 5 & 21 _

  
Hela reached the conclusion that the worst part about being stripped of her powers was that she was practically forced to be her brothers' babysitter. Not that she had anything against her brothers-- oh who was she kidding. She _hated_ them.

Thor and Loki were the perfect tiny babies that Odin and Frigga had always wish to have. They were sweet, curious and most importantly: not Hela. Sure, the little runts had their deep and dark secrets that would taint that perfect-child-reputation, but to her parents Thor and Loki were perfect. She remembers flawlessly, the night that Thor was brought into the world, the night that everything changed. She had been at the war council, talking with Tyr about their most recent battle, when the nurse came rushing into the room with a splat of blood on her shirt and announced that Hela's stepmother had gone into labor.

  
The eldest child ran into the room where Frigga was screaming her lungs out and grabbed her mother's hand; allowing for the Queen to squeeze so tightly that her fingers lost all their feeling, and then kissed the woman's sweat covered forehead once it was all over. The baby was hideous at first glance, but Frigga sobbed in happiness when she saw him, so Hela kept that comment to herself.

Once they handed the baby to Frigga, wrapped tightly in a blanket and free of all blood, her stepmother, let go of her hand, and Hela felt a slight pang of jealousy. Frigga didn't see that; instead, she gave her a smile, "I was planning to name him Thor."

She looked down and the squirming baby, and for a second he held her stare, then stretched his pudgy fists towards Hela. It must have been a trick of the light because for the rest of the night that she spent holed up in the infirmary with her mother and baby brother, Thor seemed-- not ugly, "It is a beautiful name, mother."

Of course, Odin had to ruin it all of it three days after Thor was born. The day in which they were supposed to invade Alpha Centaury and make it part of their quaint collection of realms. He had placed a stop on the attack ordering the forces to stand down before they even got out of Asgard. They had had a screaming match, about whether it was wise or not to attack the planet, and by the end of it, Hela was sent into her room as if she were a petulant child.

That night when her stepmother had come into the room with tearful eyes, Frigga had had to explain to Hela that she had managed to strike a deal with her father.

"I was the one who asked him to stop the killing," Frigga explained, "for Thor, for your smaller brother, I just never thought he would turn on you."

"Mother, what are you talking about?"

"I made a deal with him," she said, heartbroken and Hela took Frigga's hands, "believe me when I tell you Hela that if I had known your father would react this way I wouldn't have asked him to stop."

There was a second of hesitation before Hela said, "I trust you, mother. What was the deal you struck with my father?"

"He believes you have grown too ambitious, he believes you will not stop on your quest to conquer realms," Frigga brought a hand to stroke Hela's cheek, and she leaned into her mother's touch, "so he gave me two options. I either take away all of your powers until he believes you are humbled, or he will cast you into Hel."

There was a moment in which her breath caught in her throat and her vision blurred. She could snap, she could slap the woman for reducing her life to two choices, but she was frozen with shock. A single tear slid down Frigga's face; it looked silver in the dim light provided by the moon at her window; Hela realized that this was the first time she had seen Frigga _cry_.

"I am sorry, my daughter," Frigga whispered, "I am sorry for causing you this pain."

"Fine," Hela said, but the word seemed to be spoken by someone other than her. "Take away my powers, strip me of my birthright, but tell Odin that I will no longer be using his last name."

Frigga looked up with surprise, and Hela realized that she had not been expecting that answer. She felt offended for a second and was tempted to take back the words until she saw that the woman's eyes were filled with relief, "Then what will your last name be?"

"I do not know yet," but that was answer enough.

  
And that's how she had ended as her brother's babysitter. Powerless and completely useless she had to sit in a room tutoring her brothers while her father helped the other realms with the Chitauri threat. She could feel it in her bones, the way that death was spreading across Yggdrasil like a disease, but that's all she could do. She couldn't stop it, couldn't make the Chitauri die, couldn't help the warriors of the Nine Realms get to Valhalla; she could just sit and play house with her brothers.

Loki was currently reading on her lap, while Thor listened intently. She bounced her leg slightly every time that the small boy stumbled over his words and gently taught him how to pronounce a word when he didn't know it. Which was relatively often given the fact that her incredibly smart brother had quickly read through Asgardian fairytales and had demanded something much more complicated.

"-- as a man whom sleep hath seized I fell. Broke the deep," Loki stopped and pointed at a word on the page, "What does that mean, sister?"

"Lethargy," Hela read, then she looked at the older brother. Thor's eyes were staring at her with excitement, and she gave him a small nod. "Do you know what that word means, Thor?"

Her younger brother seemed delighted that Hela had asked him about the text they were reading even though it was the umpteenth time she had addressed him in the last hour. He nodded excitedly and turned to look at Loki, "It means laziness, Loki."

The smaller child thanked Thor; then he resumed reading where he had left off, "Lethargy within my head-"

Hela followed the words that Loki was speaking, sporadically looking up at Thor who was still staring at them with awe. His tiny eyes were wide with adoration as if it was the first time he saw them and Hela's heart definitely did not skip a beat. They were reaching the end of the page when an explosion above rattled the furniture on the safe room.

"--who’rt wont to be a comfort to my fears?" Loki wavered, tightening his grip on the book and looking up at Hela. "Sister, may I ask you a question?"

Hela hesitated for a few seconds before answering, "Of course, Loki. Is it about your reading? Are you not understanding?"

Loki shook his head, and Hela cursed internally, of course, he understood everything he was reading. Loki was the smartest boy she knew. The question was of another nature entirely, "Why does father always tell you to stay behind with us?"

Hela looked at him, contemplating if she should tell him the truth, but then she realized that it would be too painful to speak aloud of that day; instead, she settled for, "I do not know how to fight."

"That is not true," Thor said, "mother has shown us. You were the fiercest warrior in the kingdom." A pause, and a frown, "Why would you lie to us? Do you not trust us?"

She sighed, turning her head to the side, letting her blonde hair fall down her shoulder, and urging another lie past her lips, "I thought you would be scared of me if you knew the truth."

She wasn't looking at her brothers then, she was only staring at the bookshelf and reading every tittle she could land her eyes on. Trying, and failing, to get her mind off the feeling of weakness and frailty that followed her around. A small hand settled on her cheek, and she turned to look at Loki. His large green eyes were scanning her face as if he was trying to pick her apart. Then another explosion shook the palace, only this time it sounded closer. She tightened her grip on Loki with one hand and extended the other towards Thor, who took it without a second thought.

"I am here to protect both of you," she told them.

That wasn't a lie. Powers or not Hela was still a very skilled warrior and could probably hold her ground until the royal guards came and swept them away. She stands up from the chair she had been sitting on and took her brothers to the bed. The walls rattled again as Hela tucked them both in. She looked at their small bodies and how they seemed to be almost made of glass, and her heart tightened. She finished arranging the covers around Loki, then took a step towards the large chair on the corner of the room. She felt the small hand again this time grabbing her arm.

"Hela, can I tell you a secret?"

She turned around, staring at her brother's soft eyes, "Of course."

"I'm scared."

For one (or several) seconds the strangest feeling came over her. The hairs on the back of Hela's neck stood up, rage filled her chest and her guts twisted with hatred towards the Chitauri. She was tempted to go upstairs and slaughter every single one of the hideous creatures with nothing but her sword and power of will. When the feeling passed, Hela was left feeling dizzy. She looked down at her brother and had the urge to wrap him in a thousand blankets to protect him from everything and anything that the world put on his path. Instead, she bent down and placed a soft kiss on Loki's forehead.

"Don't be scared little one," she whispered, "for as long as I am here no harm will come your way."

She then kissed Thor's forehead, afraid that her other brother would feel left out and headed to the chair. She sat on it with her legs crossed, her sword leaning on the side on the chair so that she could grab quickly. She listened to her brothers' breathing until she heard them fall to a steady rhythm. Hela let out a soft breath of her own and let her thoughts wander to the moment in which Loki had told her his secret. The strange feeling came over her again, and Hela had to dig her nails into the palms of her hands to stop herself from doing something stupid.

_Yes_ , a voice in the back of Hela's mind said mockingly, _you definitely hate them._

 

2\. _Ages 4, 6 & 22_

When Hela was a small child, she had taught herself how to do magic. Seidr flowed strongly through their veins, mainly because of their Vanir ancestry, but the one thing that nobody warned Hela about when she started practicing the art was the for the first few months it would run wild. The seidr would torment the user's mind until they would either give up or become strong enough to wield power. She remembers the way that the curtains turned into snakes, and the shadows turned into hands trying to grab her; she remembers how she had had to sleep nestled in between Odin and Frigga for a few days because nothing could lull her into sleep except their comfort.

So of course, when she heard muffled screaming coming from her brothers' room, she completely forgot about the torments that the Seidr could cause. She was thinking about the three thousand different enemies that could have slipped inside the castle, slit one of her brothers' throats and was currently trying to kill the remaining one.

She felt dizzy from fear; throat closed up and limbs as heavy as lead. She didn't even realize when she had gotten out of bed and ran to the princes' room. Hela slammed the door open and found her brothers screaming and crying in horror at the sight of... well, absolutely nothing. She scanned the room and willed the lights to turn on. The torches caught fire, and the room lit up. She watched as her brothers trembled in fear and kept crying.

"What's wrong?" She hadn't meant to sound so worried when she said it, but the emotion leaked out of her words. Loki and Thor both looked up for long enough to recognize her, then they both ran towards her, grabbing a leg each and squeezing.

Loki spoke first, "Hela, they are here."

She frowned, hands extending to stroke their hair, "Who?"

"The Frost Giants," Thor said, the 'S' in his words sounding more like a 'TH' due to his current lack of teeth.

She knelt down to be at their level, they were getting tall, but she was taller, "Frost Giants?"

They both nodded, she frowned. They looked terrible, with big bags under their eyes, hair tussled and tear tracks on their faces. She extended her hands cupping their cheeks, "There are no Frost Giants in the palace. They would be too large to fit in here."

At that, the boys chuckled, but she knew their worries were far from over. "I think you are suffering from night terrors." There was a beat of silence before Hela spoke again, "Would you like to sleep with me until they pass?"

The boys nodded, and Hela smiled, ordering them to grab their pillows so that they could camp in her room for the duration of the night. She waited for them at the doorway and watched with a swollen heart as they shuffled into the room to grab their pillows obediently. Then she offered each boy a hand and walked them down to her room.

Once they were settled on the bed, Hela nestled in between the two small bodies; she tried to sleep. Instead, she found herself waiting for their breathing to even out and their hearts to stop beating so hard. Loki fell asleep a few seconds after they settled but for Thor It was different, and after long minutes of waiting he spoke, "Hela, did you get night terrors when you were my age?"

"Everyone who wishes to start using Seidr gets night terrors, Thor."

A beat of silence, "Even mother?"

Hela turned her head towards Thor, "Even mother."

There was another bout of silence before Thor spoke again, "Hela, why do you refuse to use your Seidr?"

Hela's fingers ran up and down Thor's arm as she spoke quietly so that she wouldn't wake Loki. She told him about her battles, her conquests and why she could no longer use her Seidr. She realized she had told the small boy the truth a few minutes too late and then her breath caught. For a few seconds, Thor laid so still that she worried her story about how she had slaughtered thousands in cold blood would be enough to drive him away.

"But that's not you anymore, is it?" The tightness in his voice made Hela want to slam her head into the nearest wall for her stupidity, "Because mother said that people who kill often turn cold at heart."

"That hasn't been me for a long time, little brother," she whispered, then paused for a couple of seconds, "I will take you to mother's chambers if you don't want to sleep with me anymore."

Thor turned in the bed and ended with his head on her chest, eyes wide in the dark and staring at her, "I will stay with you, sister. But only if you promise me one thing."

Hela licked her lips greedily, "Anything."

"You must promise me you will never be Past Hela again."

She felt the fear in her chest disappear, replaced with relief, "I promise I will never be Past Hela again, little brother."

"Good," Thor said and cuddled into her, "because if you did turn into Past Hela, then I wouldn't be able to hug you as often because you would be different from the Now Hela and--"

"Is that what you are worried about?" Hela asked incredulously, "You are worried that I wouldn't hug you as often?"

She felt the nod against her side, "You would turn cold like father. My mother tells me that he used to smile more and hug more, but now he has killed so many people that he doesn't like to hug or smile like before." There were a few seconds of silence and then, "I don't want you to turn into father."

Hela could barely contain the sound that clawed its way out of her heart. She bent forward, struggling with the odd position, and kissed Thor's hair. She settled back down on her pillow, heart hammering and soul singing in happiness. If there was one thing that Hela wanted from life was to stray as far away from her father's path as possible, so as she felt Thor breathing start to even out she made a promise she intended to keep. If not for herself then for her smaller brother. She would not become Past Hela again.

 

  
_3\. Ages 5, 7 & 23_

Teaching Loki how to fight was very different to teaching him how to read. Once Loki had turned four, or 325 if you counted it in Intergalactic years, Odin had ordered her to show him how to fight, sort of like he had done when Thor had turned 325.

Loki's fists held the knives tightly, his gaze was fixed upon her with a ferocity she had never seen before in her brother, and Hela couldn't help but notice how young he looked. He attacked her with awkward movements, her chainmail covered hands blocking his attempts to injure her with ease; then his attack stopped, and Loki looked at her defeatedly, "I can't do this, sister. I was not born to be a fighter."

"Maybe," Hela agreed, "but that does not mean you cannot turn into one."

"That does not make sense," Loki argued. "How can I be good at something I was not born to be?"

Hela puts her hands on her laps and stares at her smaller brother, "The greatest warriors on Asgard were not born with the gift of war, Loki. They earned their talents by giving that extra effort that had to compensate for their lack of abilities, and once they were as good as everyone else, their effort made them better than the ones who had been born with the gift."

"How do _you_ know that?"

"Well because I was one of those warriors," Hela stated, and Loki shook his head in disappointment.

"Do not lie to me, sister." He said, "I don't like being lied to."

Hela chuckled, "It is the truth, brother."

"It is not," Loki stated, "I am not that big of a fool."

At that Hela frowned, she realized that her brother sounded truly upset. He small voice sounded fragile, and his eyes were nearly brimming with tears. She took her gloves off and tilted Loki's chin so that his eyes were staring into hers, "Who _ever_ said you were a fool, Loki?"

Loki's eyes looked away, "No one has ever said I am a fool."

"You are a terrible liar, Loki," she said, "Now tell me so that I can let this idiot know that you are not a fool."

Her brother's eyes met hers for a second before they looked away again, "There is nothing you could say to them, Hela."

"Please, I am the Crown Princess. There are few people above me."

Loki's eyes met hers, he couldn't lie, and he knew it. Hela would see right through him and would not hesitate to call him out; then she would interrogate him tirelessly until she got the name of the offender, so Loki wrinkled his nose in defeat and whispered, "Father."

Hela's eyes instantly transformed into ice, "Odin called you a fool?"

Loki tried to speak but the words caught in his throat, so he just nodded. He knew that he had made a mistake the moment that Hela curled her hands into fists and stood up. He watched her as she plucked him from where he was standing and carried him towards the cluster of children around Tyr on the other side of the training arena. He didn't even have time to argue before he was put down and Hela stormed out of the room.

Hela, on the other hand, could barely contain her anger. She felt her guts squirm and turn over in rage as she thundered through the halls of the palace ignoring every call or person who started to talk to her. Hela's only thought was to get to the throne room and talk to her father or more realistically, scream at him. She only wavered when she got to the doors. Her thoughts had been so angry and so determined that she had forgotten that for the last five hundred years the most extended conversation Hela had had with Odin were the ones at the dinner table in which they would exchange precisely five sentences to appease Frigga and then continue to ignore each other. For a second she wondered if she was overreacting and then she remembered the look on Loki's face when he had said _I am not that big of a fool_.

Like he truly believes that he is a fool, but he was trying to convince himself otherwise.

She slammed the doors to the throne room open, calling everyone's attention to her and for a second she was relieved that there seemed to be no royal meeting going on. Just the cooks, probably asking the king what he wanted to eat at dinner.

"Out," she barked, "all of you."

The servants scrambled out of the room in fear of the Princess and her legendary anger, Hela wasted no time to start screaming at Odin, "I swear to the Norns and every known force in this universe that if you ever say something hurtful to my brothers again, I _will_ kill you."

Her father looked at her from his throne with impassive eyes, "I believe I do not know what you are referring too."

"How many times have you told Loki that he is a fool?" She asked, "Because today as I was training him he seemed convinced that he was one."

"I was under the impression that there are worse insults than the word fool," Odin answered in a calm tone of voice and Hela's anger spiked.

"Not to _Loki_!" She snapped, "Not to my brother who values _knowledge_ and _cleverness_ above everything else! You may call anyone a fool, and they won't be half as offended as Loki will be."

"Do not raise your voice at me, child," Odin sneered.

Hela was tempted to defend herself, to tell Odin that the only reason why she was screaming was that it was him on the receiving end of the insults, but then she remembered this was not about her. This was not about her loss of powers or the way that Odin questioned whether she would ever be ready to be the Queen, this was about her brother, "Then do not insult my brothers."

There was a beat of silence, and Hela stared Odin down until she realized that neither of them would back off. She turned around, white cape wrapping around her like a snake before it righted itself, then over her shoulder she turned towards Odin and sneered, "Mother will know about this."

She was halfway to the door when Odin spoke again, "I had been considering lifting your curse, Hela."

"I do not care about my stupid powers," She spat, "I only care that you don't taint my brothers with the same venom that you put on me."

She walked out of the throne room in a hurry, unwilling to listen to another word Odin said and raced to her chambers. Once she got there, her anger had been forgotten; she slammed the wooden door shut and pressed her back to it. Now eating at the pit of her stomach was regret, she had turned down her powers, turned down the option to regain her use and her value because she had been angry at Odin.

Her head felt like when she drank too much Mead, and she barely had the strength to change into her nightgown and crawl into bed. She cried herself to sleep that night thinking about missed opportunities and the dread of having to live without her powers for the years to come. But later that night when Thor crept into her room and asked her if he could sleep with her, one of her worries was wiped clean from her mind.

Yes, she was _powerless_ , but at least she was not _useless_.

 

_4\. Ages 6, 8 & 24_ 

Thor was a name that meant Thunder, and throughout the years her small bother had proven himself to be quite like Thunder. Boisterous, unexpected, and _loud_. Norns was Thor loud.

Even when he was trying to be quiet Hela could always tell when he was close. His feet would stomp on the ground too loudly, his laughter would always turn into deep guffaws, and his voice would still be a few decibels louder than required. So the night that Thor turned quiet was the most stressful night of her life.

The wind outside their window was howling with unusual rage, and the droplets that rolled down the windows were plump and steady, but Thor who always delighted himself with looking outside the window and shrieking with glee when lightning struck, was sitting on his bed, quietly reading a book. The sight was so odd that even Loki looked uncomfortable. He tried to get Thor to join them once or twice as they huddled together around a mirage of their favorite play, but their brother turned them down with monosyllabic answers.

It was only after their personal maid came into the room with food and drinks that Thor acted so out of character that Hela finally snapped. Jálfi laid their food on the beds, and Loki instantly launched himself towards the plates getting his hands on all he could before Thor raided the food and inevitably ate so much that Hela was left with nothing at all. But tonight, as the maid left them alone to continue with their activities, Thor simply looked at the platter and returned his attention to the book.

Hela raised an eyebrow at Loki, who had turned to look at her with a mix of confusion and worry in his eyes. He crawled back to Hela, settling in between her legs and handing her one of the sandwiches he had grabbed. She thanked him and then gave the sandwich a bite, "Do you know what is wrong with Thor?"

He looked pensive for a moment before he shook his head, "He seemed fine when we were sparing."

Hela lifted Loki off her lap and got out of the bed. Thor showed no signs that he saw her approaching but when Hela was one step away from his bed, Thor scrambled away so fast that Hela wondered for a second if she had scared him. She reached over, trying to place a comforting hand on his shoulder, and Thor flinched away so violently that Hela was surprised he hadn't tried to punch her.

"Thor?" She tried again, this time keeping her hands to herself, "Did I do something wrong?"

There was a violent shiver that ran through Thor, and he looked like he was about to burst into tears by the time it was over. He shook his head slowly, making himself comfortable on the other side of the bed. The book was closer to her than it was to him, so she bent down to pick it up then offered it to Thor. He looked at the book with calculating eyes and then shook his head, "I do not want to hurt you."

At this Hela frowned, "Why do you think that you would hurt me by grabbing the book?"

Thor looked at her, eyes round as moons, then raised his hand. At first, Hela saw nothing but seconds later a spark of electricity snaked around Thor's hand and disappeared into the air with an audible pop, "I already hurt Lady Sif."

Hela did not know when Loki had come to stand beside her only that once Thor's small display of magic was over, he marveled at his brother's ability. He tried to grab Thor, but the older brother scrambled away from Loki. Hela grabbed Loki by the shoulder, keeping him from going towards Thor, the raven-haired child tried to pry her hand away, and Hela knelt down to be at his level, "Your brother must first learn how to control his powers before you can touch him."

"I don't like it," Loki said, and she smiled at him.

"I know, Lo," she cupped his cheek, and he leaned into the touch, "I will try to make it better, but you will have to wait until he says it is okay to touch him."

Her smaller brother nodded and clambered up into the bed to resume watching the mirage, Hela turned towards the place were Thor was sitting in, looking at her with fearful eyes. She carefully sat on the bed, leaving enough space for Thor to be comfortable, and looked at her little brother, "Has mother ever told you what my powers were?"

Thor shook his head.

"What about the type of goddess I was?"

He shook his head again, "She always told us to ask you."

"Why didn't you?" She could feel Loki's curious eyes boring into the back of her head.

Thor shrugged, "I always assumed you were the Goddess of Magic."

"No," Hela said, trying to sound as comforting as possible, "Not the Goddess of Magic. I was the Goddess of Death."

For a second Hela thought about how ridiculous she must have looked while saying that. Her golden hair was up in a messy hairdo courtesy of Loki and his magic, her face was free of any makeup, and she was dressed in a floral nightgown. Yes, she must look like quite the Goddess of Death.

Thor is looking at her like she had gone absolutely mad, but he is not moving away from her, so she starts telling Thor about her story. She tells him about the morning that she woke up to their deceased grandfather sitting on the chair of her room, reading through a book about cooking, and how she ran out of the place only to find the hallways full of people that did not look completely alive. Hela tells him about how for the next few weeks she couldn't touch anything or anyone without them dying. She tells them about her wolf, Fenris and how she had been the first victim of her new curse.

"Did it pass?" Thor asked.

"Not until I learned how to control it," she answered, "your powers won't become weaker. You must become stronger than them."

"I don't know how."

Hela turned so that she would be facing Thor and extended her hands. She was about to start teaching Thor, then stopped, "Loki, I believe this will be useful for you to learn. Come closer."

She waited until the three of them were on the bed, Loki was as far away from either of them as possible, but looking at the exchange with watchful eyes. Hela extended her hands again, letting what little Seidr that remained free for her to use to cover them like a protective glove, "Thor, do you want to hurt me?"

Her brother shook his head, "Never."

"All right, then call back your lightning and touch me."

Thor frowned, "How do I do that?"

"I cannot answer that," she stated, "each person has to learn how to control it on their own."

Thor looked at her hands then back up at her, "I don't want to hurt you."

"Then don't," she said, "but give me your hands."

The first time they touched Hela had to bite her tongue to keep herself from howling in pain. When she looked at her little brother, he looked like he was about to cry. Hela smiled at him, "You are powerful."

"I told you not to touch me."

Hela shook her head, "I am going to keep touching you until you learn how to hold the electricity back."

"You are going to keep getting hurt."

"Only if you let me get hurt."

The next time they touched it hurt just as badly. And the next time, too. It was only until the fifth time Hela touched her brother that the shock hurt a little less. She smiled at him encouragingly and prepared herself for another round of pain. By the end of the night, Thor was able to control his electricity enough for it to feel like tickling instead of painful shocks. He was able to hold the lightning back for Loki to give him a short hug, and Hela to plant a goodnight kiss on his forehead. That night the older sibling stayed in their room. They pushed the beds together, and Hela took one of the books from the library out and read to her siblings until they fell into peaceful sleep.

Thor kept giving Hela soft shocks throughout the night, but she made a promise to herself to stay quiet and hug his small body against hers, not willing to see her brother's sad eyes if he knew he had hurt her.

 

  
_5\. Ages 8, 10 & 26_

Hela woke up to the sound of a battle.

She had never changed so rapidly into her battle armor until that moment. Her nightgown was thrown across the room, completely forgotten, and her helmet was thrown on her head carelessly. She grabbed her swords in a frenzy, knocking over various books in the process, and ran out of the room without a second thought.

Instantly she was met with a Dark Elf. The ugly thing froze in fear and Hela remembered one of her most glorious battles with her father. She had slaughtered half of the elf army; this must have been one of the elves who survived. She smiled wickedly, using the moment of distraction to chop the elf's head off and keep running.

She passed dozens of Elves, all which seemed to be raiding the castle with glee. She killed them swiftly, taking no time to dance with them like would have done before. When she reached her brothers' room, her armor was covered in blood, and her swords were dirty with the remains of the Dark Elves. Still, when her brothers saw her, they ran to her without hesitation, talking to her in shaky words and sobs.

"Do you have your weapons?"

Thor shook his head, "We left them on the armory. Smidak was cleaning them for us."

Hela cursed internally, then looked at them in the eyes. They had been working on their abilities for years now. Learning how to control the Seidr and, in Thor's case, his lightning.

"I would never ask you to fight if the situation was not dire."

They nodded, eyes steely with resolve, and Hela's heart ached at how small they looked, how weak. But she knew better. She had been in the receiving end of Loki's powerful magic and Thor's painful lightning if anything their appearances would only serve as an advantage. They stalked through the halls slowly, taking care of the Dark elves one by one until they reached the throne room. The largest fight was there.

Aesir and Dark Elves battled through the vast space, using the columns as protection and killing each other mercilessly. Hela and her brothers entered through the back and kept cover behind the throne. She watched as the Aesir slowly, but inevitably, became overpowered by the Dark Elves. Then at the end of the hallway, she saw her worst nightmare. Odin and Frigga were fighting back to back, but were surrounded by more Dark elves than either of them could take without their weapons or armor.

She turned to Loki, fear taking hold of her heart, "Loki I need you to get rid of father's spell."

He blinked at her in confusion, " _What_?"

"Look into my soul and get rid of father's spell."

"I know what you said," Loki snapped, "but you are going to get us in trouble if I-"

"Loki," she tried again, this time softer, "Mother and father will not be able to hold back an entire army of Dark Elves on their own. I need to help them, but I cannot do that without my powers, so please-"

"Okay, okay," he interrupted, "I will _try_ , sister."

She nodded and closed her eyes, letting Loki place a small hand on her forehead. His magic felt snake-like, slippery and agile, he snaked into her soul, coiling around her arms and finally stopping at her wrists where a cold and heavy kind of magic rested, keeping her from using her hands. His magic slithered below the manacles and then tugged.

"I cannot break the spell, sister, it is too strong," She heard him say, "I can only transfer it."

_Transfer it where?_

"Myself," he answered, even if she had not spoken.

"It is okay Loki," She whispered, "you did your best."

But his magic did not retreat, "You need to save mother."

"Loki-"

"Promise me you will save mother."

She opened her eyes and met Loki's emerald green ones. He looked desperate, quite like she felt, and then he whispered again, "Promise me."

Her heart broke at the way he whispered the words like he was afraid she would ignore his pleas. So she nodded, and Loki closed his eyes again. Having her powers back was like breathing for the first time in a long time. Her lungs expanded and her eyes filled with tears of pleasure. She let the magic wash over her and for the first time in a long time felt clean. She willed for her helmet to fully attach to her body, and for her armor to become more than just the piece of clothing her mother had made for her.

When her eyes finally snapped open, they were white.

"Thor," she said, and rejoiced when she realized that even her voice sounded different, "take care of our brother."

She said nothing else, then stood up and willed her swords to appear in her hands. When she stepped out of her hiding place, the battlefield seemed to freeze. Every eye turned on her as her steps resonated in the newly found silence. But she noticed that along with her powers came that long forgotten arrogance of hers. The words were out of her mouth before she could stop them, "Well would you look at that. Malekith came out of his hiding for round two."

"Hela!" She heard her father hiss, but there was no stopping now. Malekith screamed something in his weird Elven language, and the soldiers charged at Hela. She sauntered towards them, letting her magic flow through her for protection and brought her sword through the first elf with might.

From that moment on the battle went smoothly. She turned, slashing the second elf's gut open with her right hand and then trusting the other sword backward to impale another elf. She turned left then flicking her wrist and summoning throwing knives. Then she grabbed her sword again and cut cleanly through three more elves. She moved through the battlefield like a flurry of white and gold. Her father took advantage of the distraction and started using his Seidr indiscriminately. Sending elves flying all over the room and snapping their necks with a flick of his wrist. By the end of the battle, more knives were laying around that corpses, but Malekith was not around. Odin looked at her with hate in his eye.

She ignored the sinking feeling in her gut and willed the Staff of Odin to appear in her hand, "You will need this, father."

He grabbed the staff from her hand, and Frigga spoke, "Call Fenris, there is a fight happening at the City Center."

Hela was tempted to go; she could ride into battle with the Einherjar and Fenris, showing the Dark Elves that the Goddess of Death was back to her full glory. But she shook her head and let her helmet melt away. White turning into gold Hela ran her hands above her hair and noticed her braid was intact. She made a mental note to congratulate Loki on his craftsmanship, for the braid had survived half a night of sleep and a whole battle.

"The Aesir can hold back the Elves, even more so with you leading them," she stopped for a second and gave her mother a once over, then smiled, "I have other duties to attend to."

Hela got her brothers out of the throne room, she marched with her brothers in tow towards the Astrology tower, once they reached the top she sealed the entrance and made her brothers sit beside her, only she did not make them watch the carnage. She extended her hands, urging Loki and Thor to take them and sighing when they did, "You once asked what my powers were."

They nodded, and she looked down at their tiny hands encased in hers. Hela's hands looked clean, but she knew that was just because of her powers. The moment they took her powers away they would be stained with blood regardless of how much she washed them. She squished their hands, "I am sorry about killing that many people. I know that is not something either of you wanted to see."

There were a few seconds filled with heavy silence before Loki spoke. His voice sounded smaller, weaker and afraid, "You saved mother."

"I did promise you that, didn't I?"

Loki let go of her hand and crawled into her lap, curling his now too big body around her. Thor followed suit, hugging her arm and placing his head on her shoulder. Hela used her Seidr to conjure up a place to rest her body against, and they stayed like that for the rest of the night.

  
The next morning Frigga found her three children asleep on the top of the astrology tower. When she looked at them, a tear rolled down her cheek, and she wondered how hard it would be to sneak Hela out of the Nine Realms before Odin's wrath fell upon her. She had tried fruitlessly to convince Odin of forgiving his only daughter. That had only earned her a slap across the cheek and another round of screaming.

Hela's eyes fluttered open, her body waking slowly and revealing the sore muscles the fight had left. When she saw Frigga, she smiled lazily, "Hello, mother."

"Hela," there was something off about the way that Frigga was speaking, "your father requests your presence in the throne room."

It was like those two words were enough to alert her father of her wakefulness. Guards swarmed the tower with impressive speed, blocking Hela of her mother's view. She urged her brothers to get up, but the boys were to slow. Soon the guards were prying them away from her hands, clamping their mouths to stop them from screaming. Loki trashed and squirmed, but his magicless body was not strong enough to fight a single Aesir, much less five.

Two guards grabbed her arms, she trashed, yanking her arms from them, "Leave me alone! Let us go! I _will_ come with you!"

The guards let her go, and she stood up. Her brothers screamed in protest; Thor lashed out electrocuting every guard that was touching him. That was a mistake. More guards were on her now, placing thick and heavy handcuffs on her wrists and she instantly fell to the floor. _Enchanted_ , her brain supplied. She tried lifting her head only to find that the strength needed to do that was not one she possessed. She could vaguely hear her mother screaming and her brothers doing the utmost to get out of the guards' hands, but their efforts were not enough.

"Let me pass!" Frigga demanded, "Let me see my daughter!"

Hela didn't hear the rest of it. Two guards grabbed her upper arms and carried her towards the door. She felt her feet drag on the stones below her and she thought she heard Loki's voice screaming for her, but all was drowned out when they stepped into the palace. She was in and out of consciousness throughout the trek from the tower to the throne room, and when they finally arrived the guards let her fall to the floor. She handed face first with an unceremonious splat and had enough energy to lift her face from the cold ground and put it on top of her arm. The more time she spent with the manacles on, the weaker she felt. Her ears started to ring obnoxiously, her mouth tasted of blood, and a headache started to form at the back of her skull.

"Hela," Odin called, but she couldn't react. Even if she would have liked to do so, her eyes could barely stay open; she doubted she could utter a single word. Odin did not seem disturbed by the fact that she couldn't move, "Do you know what your crimes are, daughter?"

She heard Odin stand from his throne and her heartbeat picked up. She tried with all her might to move, to get out of the Allfather's way-- her attempts were fruitless; she could barely gather enough strength to push herself a couple of centimeters off the ground before her arms gave out and she fell to the floor again.

"Your tendency to act before thinking has started a war between the Dark Elves and the Aesir."

Confusion clouded her brain as she replayed the events of the night before. They hadn't been discussing with the Elves, much less having a friendly fight, so why was Odin insisting that she had started to war.

"Everyone in the palace was under strict orders not to kill," Odin said, voice rising from mild into a bellow, "why do you think Frigga and I were holding back?"

She could see the points of his boots now, standing mere centimeters in front of her face. He tapped the manacles, and they dissolved, giving Hela the chance to breathe. Still, she was not strong enough to stand so she tried to at least sit up to face Odin. The King's staff came down, pinning her hair to the floor, Hela screamed in pain.

"You have started a war bound to rage for centuries all because you couldn't stay back."

Hela struggled to talk with her face pinned to the floor, "I was trying to save you."

"We did not need saving," Odin spat, "much less from you."

Odin let her hair go, then walked back to his throne while Hela raised herself into a sitting position. Her arms trembled from the effort, but she refused to show more weakness than she was already showing. Seconds later a disgruntled Frigga stormed into the throne room, followed by Loki and Thor. Hela was too weak to turn towards them, so she stayed on the ground and listened as her mother screamed at Odin.

"It was not her fault!" Frigga argued, "You refrained from telling her what your plans were, how is _she_ at fault for that?"

"She is at fault for disobeying me!" Odin screamed back, "She is at fault for staring the war, and for dragging her brother into this."

"Father let her go!" Loki screamed, and Odin's rage boiled.

He was staring at her again, "You are lucky I even let you interact with my sons, and you repay me by turning them against me."

"Don't you dare bring my brothers into this."

That seemed to spike Odin's anger, for the room filled with long tendrils of golden magic. They wrapped around Hela making her stand straight, taking away the tiredness from her muscles. From the other side of the room, she could hear Frigga and the two boys screaming, but all noises were drowned out by an incessant chattering coming from Odin's Seidr. His single eye glowed bright golden as his voice boomed around the room omnisciently.

"Hela," the room stopped shifting, and her heart seemed to start beating at the calm tone of his voice, "Odinsdottir. You have disregarded the punishment given to by your king."

Odin's magic stabbed into her neck, and Hela gasped, "Through your arrogance and stupidity you have opened these realms, and innocents lives to the horror and desolation of war."

The next time Odin's magic stabbed through her, she screamed in agony, and writhed, trying desperately to rid herself of the powerful grip Odin had on her. It was pointless, she was still weak, and even if she weren't, Odin's magic was too strong. Golden tendrils snaked up her legs and slithered up her stomach stopping right where her heart was, then stabbed into her chest.

"You are unworthy of these realms," Odin screamed, as his Seidr pushed into her lungs making it hard to breathe.

"Unworthy of your title," the Seidr kept pushing up her body, snaking up her neck and into her scalp burning her head and making her scream.

"You are unworthy," Odin stopped as if to catch his breath but Hela knew better, his eyes flickered to the place were Frigga, and her brothers were watching in stunned silence, "of the loved ones I once allowed you to have."

A sob escaped Hela as she thought about the implications of Odin's words. He was unpredictable when he was angry, so she let out a string of words that made her want to sob harder, "Please, not my brothers."

_He is not going to kill them_ , a voice in her mind comforted her, "Please don't take them away from me."

"I now take from you your Seidr," she felt as if someone was pulling a string from her mouth, she choked at the awful sensation and gasp when she felt the hole it left in her soul.

"The light bestowed on you by my wife," from the back of her neck tendrils of white light escaped and landed on Odin's outstretched hand.

"My children," a tingling sensation ran through her arms and back as more light came rushing out of her fingertips and slithered in a snake-like manner to Odin's feet.

"And curse you to reign over the only people who will ever truly love you," The ground below Odin's feet opened up, and the wails of tortured souls filled the chamber, making the hairs on the back of Hela's neck stand up, "The dead."

Odin's Seidr let her drop, and she landed on her knees. She started to scramble back until she noticed that golden details on her battle armor begun to turn a disgusting shade of green. Then the white of her armor started to shift and darken. She looked at her hands, horrified, as her colors changed from white and gold to green and black. The pins on her hair snapped or fell away, making her hair fall around her face. Helplessly she watched as that too turned ink black, and she started to scream. Fear like nothing she had ever felt gripped her tight and promised never to let go. She turned, making a wild dash towards her mother, and Frigga extended her hand. Loki and Thor rushed forward and for a second Hela thought she would make it. For a second Hela believed that Frigga would catch her and use her Seidr to lift them in the air and avoid her father's punishment.

Then the ground gave underneath her feet, and she fell.

Suspended in the air, Hela looked up to see that the crack was already closing. But through the opening, she could clearly hear her brothers shouting her name, and for the last time in a long time, Hela's heart filled with love.

 

 


	2. and the one time she was their villain

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I cried writing this chapter. The last two lines made me cry for some reason. Maybe I am just too overly attached to this idiots.

_\+ 1 Ages 14, 16 & 32_

 

_"Every villain has their origin story," Frigga said as she combed Hela's long hair, "but only good villains get a redemption arc."_

_"What about the accidental villains?" Hela asked._

_"Are there such things as accidental villains?"_

_Hela chuckled, "Of course there are, Stepmother."_

_Frigga didn't try to understand what an accidental villain was, but she assured her stepdaughter that yes, even accidental villains could get a redemption arc._

The memory often replayed in Hela's mind throughout her rule of Hel; she often blamed Odin for that small curse, right along with literally being imprisoned in the nastiest corner of the Nine Realms. But she had to give it to the old man; he had been merciful in some aspects of her sentence. Like the fact that she could still control dead people, or more prominently the fact that she the ability to look into what was happening in Asgard with ease.

She supposed that Odin hadn't meant for that special gift to be something she enjoyed, even less so now that he had made it his arduous task to erase her from all Asgardian memory. But Hela treasured the small moments in which she could tap into what was left of her Seidr and watch her brothers grow up. She especially enjoyed the moments in which either of her brothers would do something so _her_  that her father twitched in anger. Like when Thor would let Loki do his hair into ridiculously intricate hairdos, or when Loki chose his colors to be green and black.

She had laughed for days at the look of disgust on her father's face, then cried herself to sleep when she realized that Loki could not possibly remember the reason why he had chosen those colors. So yes, she guessed that having that small feedback was a little curse, but it was one she was rather fond of. Even if she could not hear anything said on the other side of the mirage.

Today Hela sat on her throne, looking at her realm with something between bitterness and fondness. The valley stretched below her filled with houses and building which she had ordered the people to make. She could no longer help the warriors get to Valhalla, or reunite families in the afterlife, but at least she could give the dead a purpose. Under her rule, Hel became organized, and the Valley of Warriors grew to be a splendid city. She ruled in every way that her father had not governed; mercy and kindness being the things she showed regularly. But inside, deep where none of her subjects could see, Hela grew bitter.

She hated the way her father was raising her brothers. Hated the way that he seemed to be doing his utmost to taint her image. Hated the way that he had erased her from the memory of the only people she had truly loved. Even Frigga, with her incredible magic, was unable to remember her only daughter and that made Hela unspeakably angry.

_What about accidental villains?_

What about them indeed.

To her people, Queen Hela was nothing but their salvation. Nothing but the reason that they weren't wandering helplessly around Hel. But more often than not, when an Asgardian came stumbling to her city, they would scream about how ridiculous it was for the dead to be letting someone like Hela rule over. She treated these people with kindness inviting them into her throne room and explaining what Odin had done, then asking one of the skilled mages to clear their mind from any magic remaining.

Today was no different. According to Hela's royal guard, an Asgardian had wandered into the city and started to scream once he had found out who their queen was, "A commoner," the guard assured her, "it's not clear what his job was before dying, but he is not from the royal court."

She had extended her hands, a gestured that her guards knew as 'bring him in,' and a few seconds later she had been left alone as the guards went to the guest rooms to bring the Asgardian. Her throne room was deadly silent for a few seconds, precious seconds in which she let her bottled up anger consume her every thought. The back door opened with a screech, and Hela turned her head to look at the person who had entered. The maid smiled at her and bowed, "Good morning, Hela."

Hela pushed down her anger and smiled, "Röskva."

The old woman walked over to the throne and kissed Hela's cheek, then stepped down and started to prepare for the Asgardian's arrival. She set the table, making food appear and dusting the chair's sitting cushion before turning to Hela, "How has your day been, dear?"

Hela stepped down from her dais, walking over to grab a biscuit from the table, "Decent. You know I hate the days in which I have to deal with the people of Asgard."

The maid gave her a sympathetic smile and returned to her work, placing cutlery on the guest's side of the table, "I can't imagine it is easy for you."

Hela shrugged, "At least some people are starting to forget me. That _is_  preferable than the alternative."

"If I may ask," Hela motioned for her to keep talking with the hand that held the biscuit, Röskva cleared her throat, "How are the babies doing?"

Hela smiled at Röskva's fondness of her brothers. Her old maid had managed to meet both babies before dying, for a brief time but just enough to love them dearly, "Thor wielded Mjölnir yesterday."

Röskva raised her eyebrows, "Did he now?"

Hela nodded, "I always knew he was worthy."

"What about Loki?" Röskva asked, "How is he doing?"

"Same old Loki," Hela said fondly, "he turned into a wolf and scared Thor dumb."

Röskva chuckled, shaking her head with amusement. She finished arranging the table and turned to look at Hela. The younger woman knew what was coming before the maid could say the words, but the air was still sucked out of her lungs, "How are _you_ doing?"

Her thoughts were private, fickle, things which no subject could ever know. Except Röskva was not a subject. She had been the one to save Hela from her own sadness when she had first arrived at Hel. She had been the one to look into her eyes, grab her face and place her forehead against Hela to comfort her when her punishment became too cruel. Röskva was not just a subject; she was Hela's lifeline.

"It gets worse every day," Hela confessed.

The Queen knew that if not for the light knock on the door Röskva would have hugged Hela, and then tears would have ruined her make up. Röskva settled for merely stroking her cheek and wishing her good luck. The maid left the throne room, and Hela ordered the guards to come in. One near emotional breakdown left, then she could go to have lunch in the kitchen and listen to the tales told by her cooks.

 

_Ages 20, 22 & 39_

Hela had had to watch in horror as everything went down. She had to sit in her throne room and push down bile as Loki's real skin came into view and she remembered the thousands of times she had called Jotuns monsters, wishing she could take it all back. She had to watch Thor being cast out, words eerily resembling her own casting out as if her father was making fun of her one last time. She had to watch powerlessly as Loki learned he was a Jotun and became bitter and cold like his home planet.

Loki's fall still tormented her dreams, as well as Loki's torture at the hands of the Mad Titan.

Thor's unwillingness to take the throne made her eyes water, but his crusade to save the universe made the fear in her heart grow.

Malekith's resurface was enough to send her down a deep dark hole of anger and regret that she could barely recover from.

Frigga's death had a completely different effect, her chest and mind became empty of any emotion she had once been able to muster. For the first time since she had fallen to Hel, Hela grew cold and angry with her subjects, all who pitied their queen instead of resenting her.

When her time came close, she apologized to her subjects and promised that she would go back to rule over them when the troubles at Asgard were resolved. A big fat lie that she had had to tell them to appease her conscience. She had no intention of returning to that prison, even if she had grown to like her life. She did not belong in Hel as she did in Asgard, she knew that much, and even her wounded heart yearned to be in the palace that had seen her grow up. She just did not know if she craved to be there to make the empire fall in payment for her suffering or if she merely wished to regain that which she had lost.

The night the doorway appeared she had been sitting alone with Röskva, her maid had her hands placed on her head, trying to mend the wounds caused by Frigga's death and failing spectacularly. Heartbreak was not something you could heal. The air in the room changed, making strands of Hela's hair flutter and she snapped her eyes open.

"Hela promise me you won't do anything you will regret," Röskva pleaded, and Hela had to hold back an angry retort. She deserved the world, not bitter responses and hurtful words.

"I will do my best."

She stepped through the portal expecting to see Asgard or a bloody battlefield only to be met by the scent of grass and salt water. She inhaled, letting the light air fill her lungs and clear her mind. She stayed with her eyes closed for a couple of seconds, dreading what she would see when she stepped out of the portal. In the end, she regretted ever doing so.

Standing in front of her like two of the most painfully realistic mirages she could have ever conjured stood her brothers. Dressed in battle armor and staring at their latest foe with wariness. The sight nearly made her snap, almost made her summon her swords and drive them through her brothers' hearts just to finally put an end to her suffering. She refrained just because she needed to hear them speak. She hadn't listened to their voices in so long that she had forgotten how they sounded.

"So," she started, voice monotone. She cursed at Odin again, cursed for ripping her apart and turning her into the monster she presented her brothers with, "He is gone. Shame, I would have liked to see that."

A torturous silence followed one that ate away her brain and patience; she had not waited this long for them to charge into battle against her without giving her the satisfaction to at least say her name. Or maybe that was not it; perhaps this was another trick by Odin because he sensed that she had grown comfortable in her exile.

"You must be Hela," Thor said, and dizziness took hold of her, "I am Thor, Son of Odin."

For a second she was tempted to start a fight. She was tempted to say something that would challenge Thor and the words he had spoken. Pettiness had never been Hela's forte, but she could be every once in a while. Then she looked at Thor's eyes, and that thought went out of the window.

_"You must promise me you will never be Past Hela again."_

_"I promise I will never be Past Hela again, little brother."_

_"Good," Thor said and cuddled into her, "because if you did turn into Past Hela, then I wouldn't be able to hug you as often because you would be different from the Now Hela and--"_

"I know," She replied, "I am a Daughter of Odin too, you know?"

She walked forward, and the brothers tensed, ready to fight if the need arose, but she quietly walked in between them and headed towards the edge of the cliff. The brothers turned, to look at each other before following her. Slowly Hela made her way towards the side of the cliff, letting the tips off her toes hang over the edge, hoping the promise of injury was enough to bring some sort of emotion to her heart. Instead, her feelings remained unreachable. Her brothers came to stand beside her. She let their presences breathe life to her and tried to remember the last thing she had said before she vanished. Before her light was stripped from her and she was sentenced to live far away from them.

"Our father said you are here to bring Ragnarok," Thor said, "Is that true?"

Hela let her eyes wander to the horizon, feeling the way the wind tousled her hair and tipped her forward into the abyss, only for it to push her back into safety. She willed for her battle armor to fade and be replaced by one of her simpler outfits. Black flowing pants and a shawl, so informal and comfortable she barely used it, but she was tired of being in that stupid armor for so long, so she allowed herself to enjoy the way the grass tickled the sole of her feet, "Odin, ever the dramatic."

There was a pause, and then Loki spoke. His voice was like everything she had imagined it would be, deep and silky like it was made of the finest of kinds of honey, "Are you?"

"I don't know yet, brother," she answered honestly, "I am too angry at Odin to set foot on that planet without wanting tear it down brick by brick, but at the same time I want to go back home."

"We can't let you do that."

She bit her lip, "I suppose you can't. Ragnarok is not something you should take as lightly as I do."

"You seem lost," Thor said, and she turned to look at him. His golden hair and bright blue eyes reminded her so much of her before her fall than she found it hard to breathe.

"I am lost," she told him, "Odin took away my guiding light centuries ago, and I cannot seem to find it anymore. I believed that by coming here I would get it back, but--"

She could not finish her sentence, her throat closed up, and she had to look away. Hela realized that she was feeling again and nearly screamed in frustration when she reached inside of her to find that the only thing she could feel was anger. She was angry at Odin for stuffing her in Hel, angry at her brothers for not remembering, angry at her mother for dying.

"But they cannot seem to remember you," Loki finished for her.

"I thought Odin's death would lift the spell," she wrinkled her nose, "but it seems like even in death Odin has found a way to curse me."

There was a long silence in which Hela thought about her options, thought about the way in which she could kiss her boys goodbye and return to Hel, or in which she could start a fight and start Ragnarok, destroying everything Odin had ever done. She swallowed, heart hammering in her chest as she turned away from the view and started to walk back to where the portal had been. She called in her Seidr, and it came rushing to her like an obedient dog who had been away from her master for too long.

"Hela, wait," her steps faltered at Loki's call, and for a second she was sure an eight-year-old boy would run up to her and grab her hand. Instead, she heard heavy footsteps, "will you leave Hel open?"

The portal swirled to life, Hela clenched her fists to stop herself from turning around and touching Loki. She knew he would probably cut her hand off and then she would have no other choice but to be the villain that Odin had warned them about, "If you ever need your dear old sister you know where to find me."

She stepped through, magic washing over her, and when she opened her eyes again, she could see Röskva cleaning her room up. The maid straightened when she came through the portal, sending Hela a quizzical glance, "What are you doing here? Shouldn't you be in the world of the living?"

She shook her head, wrapping her shawl more tightly around her shoulders, "They did not remember me."

"Oh, Hela dear," Röskva crossed the room in a matter of seconds, wrapping her hands around Hela's neck and bringing her close. Hela finally lets that anger turn into tears; big, fat, ugly tears that rolled down her face and messed up her makeup. But that night when she was removing what remained of the eyeshadow, Hela noticed her eyes had turned from their unnatural black into a shade blue that would match Thor's. She stared at herself in the mirror, blinking every so often and waiting for them to turn back into the ugly color.

Then out of the corner of her eye, a shadow shifted in her room. Loki came to stand at the frame of the bathroom door, leaning on it to make himself appear much more relaxed that he was actually feeling, "Sister, may I ask you a question?"

 

_Loki wavered, tightening his grip on the book and looking up at Hela. "Sister, may I ask you a question?"_

_Hela hesitated for a few seconds before answering, "Of course, Loki. Is it about your reading? Are you not understanding?"_

 

"Of course, Loki."

**Author's Note:**

> [Here](https://archiveofourown.org/works/14839493) is the link for my Main Work. The next chapter for that fic will be up in the next few days, don't worry.
> 
> BTW, I hate Odin.
> 
> my tumblr is [here](https://www.tumblr.com/blog/helasloki). Come by and say hello!


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